Playing Catch Up - Weeks 8, 9, & 10 Check In

Wow, I've fallen far behind on my check in posts, but not far behind on my reading. I've had a lot of time to read while staying at my mom's house during the flood. Since then, I've been home, putting things back together. That would be why there were no updates from me - but here I am.. still part of the group, still keeping up with the FW journey.

It's funny because when I left off at Week 7, I along with many others were whining about JC's down demeanor. I seriously thought she'd break down right there in week 7 before our eyes.

I found her spirits lifted ( a little ) in Week 8. In this chapter, there is a lot of JC going back and forth between needing and wanting change (but not liking it very much), giving up control, and feeling vulnerable. A lot of repetition I find because she brings us back to doing our daily things - pages, artists dates, walks.. etc. At the same time, she says when we're confronted with change, these daily things we do will keep us grounded while we adapt to new thing. It seems, after all this time, I'm actually beginning to grasp the concept as to why we need a schedule and comfort in the things we do daily. It keeps us grounded while life happens around us. And in Week 8, she notes the importance to keeping ourselves connected to the world and fresh experiences.
That's been hard for me. I feel, like I'm locked inside of a box sometimes. I look to other places for inspiration. I don't savor the moments, or live in them. I'm always thinking about what's next. I'm not laid back - well, I am to a certain extent, but not completely. That's something I'm willing to work on and I hope to open myself up more to.

Week 9
One thought that stuck with me while reading this was "So much of a creative life is knowing when to go forward and when to retreat." During this particular chapter, I felt spent and defeated. I wan unable to focus on my writing, on my drawing or sketching.. I was living a fly by the seat of the handle type of existence. I was a gypsy for a week. I could relate to JC, getting more positive, but this was a week where I left most of my art and writing behind, and begged my higher power to just help things get back to normal for me. I read page 193 over and over at my mother's house and wondered how I needed to apply these things to my life. If I had kept up with my daily journal writing and my art stuff, could I have had a better grasp on what was going on in my daily life that week? Probably. I know I would have felt more grounded. There was no clarity for me, and honestly, I left this chapter kind of hanging in the wind. I felt like "screw this" for the moment and let me get my life organized. But then, JC again lifted me up near the end of p. 195. She gave me hope that even though all of this crap with the flood was going on, I could still take a minute to meditate on some thoughts and work on that spiritual connection. To me it didn't matter if it was as an artist or as a person. I needed some type of grounding, and I didn't have it.. but I could have always asked for the help.
I need to go over the Divining Rod on page 199-200 and really focus on that for a while. I'm just now feeling like I'm coming back to normalcy and that exercise would be perfect for me now that I am back from mom's house and back into my own.

Week 10
One of the biggest risks I've taken is joining the women on this journey and opening myself up to new artistic experiences. I had never thought that I would pick up a coloring pencil or crayon and begin from internal vision or from a copy to glide the color across the paper. And if so, I never thought I would share these creations. Thank God I'm working with a very supportive group. That has helped tremendously and built up my confidence so much. I may not be perfect, but I am putting my visions down. I don't care if they're messy or if they look like scribble to others, they are my works and I am trying to perfect my "new" craft.
I feel open to receive critique, but I have to remember to take those critiques as lessons and understand that I am new at this. Eventually I will grow. I don't feel myself growing at the moment, but as we wind down with the last two weeks of this journey, I know I will take away many lessons and hopefully grow from here.
What I need to remember is to stay grounded - those pages will keep me grounded, the artwork will keep me looking and searching for the beauty around me. I can't allow myself to shut off. That brings me right into Week 11 and the lessons learned there.

I can't exactly say how many pages I completed within the last 3 weeks. I wrote sporadically and in different journals. It wasn't constant but it I did get to write every so often.
I tried, rather than walking, because that was impossible, to cleanse my system of the different toxins and negative energy that were invading me. I had to let go.. and I have.
Artist dates as well as walking did not happen. It was all due to the circumstances I was in - but now I'm working hard to keep up with the last two weeks we have left.

Enjoy week 11.. and thanks for being so patient for my updates.

Weeks 8 and 9

There is this castle, or what looks very much like a castle at the top of Garret Mountain near my home. It was so beautiful out today, I decided to take an artist date there with my little shadow. We're stuck together like frick and frack for a while.

I've read weeks 8 and 9 - now I'm starting 10. We're getting down to the end here almost! I haven't been able to focus on my writing so much while staying with my mom. I have my book and that keeps me happy.
A for real check in for weeks 8 and 9 is coming in a few days. I need to get back home!

Week 8

The summary is coming - I am currently flooded out of my house.
Check back with me though!

Week 7 - check in.

(Monet's Water Lily's from my Week 6 Artist Date)

Honestly, Week 7 was one of the hardest chapters for me to read. Is Julia breaking down right before our eyes? I guess as artists, we struggle once in a while for the answers to come to us. The words we need to fill the page, the image we need to paint onto the canvas, the notes we need to strum on our guitars. I watched her struggle very hard in this chapter, but I also saw her come back to the basic skills she's trying to teach us in this week by week journey. Small steps and routine.

I found that I could easily relate to the school of self sufficiency. I feel that I work better alone and I like working alone. Except that when I take on a project and I try my hardest to get it accomplished, I end up with a ton of anxiety, a major head banging headache, and hardly any work getting done. It is in these moments that I turn to Z, my husband. We normally stay out of each other's way when we undertake something with a deadline, but I've found that reaching out to him for support always lifts a a big load off of me. His input is usually positive and he points things out that I, for the life of me, cannot see. It's good to have that person who is looking from the outside in helping you. He is that person for me, and I never give him enough credit for the support he gives me.

(Angie illustrates April)


Moving along through the chapter, I counted twice where Julia expressed the need to muster up a sense of optimism. Maybe it's just her situation (being stuck in NYC). I don't know much about her past or her mental health, but from what I gather, she's had a breakdown before. Later on, her mood seems more positive when she's bird watching and spots a heron. It's like she comes back to reality for a moment. I highlighted the sentence "We must steer clear, if we can, of people who dampen our enthusiasms, who cut short our flights of fancy." I've always agreed with this statement. Julia, to me, is a total buzz-kill sometimes. Sometimes - not all the time.

I see her coming back to the light at the end of the chapter. That is where I felt that most of my inspiration came from. What I really think about Week 7 is this: When JC talks about we, as artists, must take baby steps, we will find we have more strength than we realize (I hope she realizes this). Do one thing at a time. When you find yourself stuck, reach out for support - maybe even ask for a critique {how can I make it better, how will this impact what I've done in the past, or my future}.


She calls is soldiering on. She says that ahead of us there are good days and bad days.. and she's so right. Our situations may seem hopeless at times, but if we "soldier on" with our routines.. Morning pages, daily walks, artist dates... and add into that support.. our creations hidden deep within us may just begin to surface and the answers will come to us. In baby steps.

Now, onto the good stuff: What have I accomplished this week?

Morning pages: I wrote my pages 5 out of 7 days. I really am getting into writing those pages now and I hope to have written 7 out of 7 next week. I also keep a small notebook in my purse where throughout the day I will write the little things that I'm thankful for.

Artist date: NONE.. I was way too busy this week getting ready for the Easter holiday (unless you count going out to get my nails done!)

Walk: I can't believe I didn't take my walk this week! It's the first time ever that I skipped this. It's just a sign of how busy I have been.

Wishing you all a wonderful Week 8!!!

Week 6 check in:

*Edited on 4/1

I don't know what I think about Week 6. Uncovering a Sense of Resolve. "Action is the key to success" JC states in the opening on page 137. We're focusing on fulfilling small actions that will lead to a larger unfolding.

I found most of the Divining Rods interesting and soothing. They all invited me to do something that brought a calmness over me. In my journal, it took me a long while to list five things in my neighborhood for my "fake" current novel. Then it dawned on me! "Get off of your big butt and get yourself outside. Walk around the block and notice the beauty!" In a matter of fifteen minutes, I came up with a list that outnumbered the five things I was required to write. We just have to stop, look, listen, and take in what is around us.

Listing ten things I could do to make me feel better about myself was really easy for me. It's a well known fact that I am overweight. I can't wear sexy and tight clothes. I'd like to, but I can't -it is just not a flattering look for me. And that's not a bad thing because I know I have other things to work with. I don't want to sound conceited but I know I'm sorta, kinda smart with a wicked sense of humor that tends to teeter on the perverted side. I'm a flirt. I'm an extrovert if I feel comfortable in my environment. The other things I have to work with: my grooming. I was a make-up artist for years before Angie was born. I always prep my face with some color and that makes me feel good. I accessorize with lot's of silver jewelery, I wear funky color nail polishes. Cleaning my house makes me feel so darn good. Burning incense while I write is like a God send. On the same page as that Divining Rod, there is a quote from Lao Tse "He who is contented is rich." I recently had an episode happen to me, where a family member (through marriage) called me out on my weight gain. I looked her square in the eyes and said to her "I know what you're saying, but I don't know why it bothers you so much because I am very happy, fat or not."

Another day last week, my daughter and I went to the library. I had a few books I wanted to check out and I allowed her to wander alone in the kids section. When I met her back at our table, she had at least 10 books stacked in front of her. "Please mama, let me buy them all!!" Umm, no. A) We don't buy, we borrow. B) You're only allowed 4 books at a time. I had her sit and choose which ones she wanted to take home while I browsed through the isles in the children's section. I have so many children's books at home (a perk when your best friend works for Harper Collins children's division). So I went over to the older kids section. I saw some familiar Judy Blume books that brought back memories of my teenage years. I browsed for a little while longer and then went back to the table. Angie had picked out two books for me. One about birds and one about turtles. I flipped through them both, not all that interested by glad to have enjoyed such a lovely day with my girl at the library. Here are the books she chose to borrow:
I've never completed all of the Divining Rods in each chapter, but I did in Week 6. I did write a letter to the Universe, not God, about the things that bother me. I had to stop midway. I though it was a rather negative exercise because I don't like putting my gripes onto paper - and I don't believe I can sit and listen for the answer. I just think that putting your shit out there reaffirms them and gives them a bigger power. I do believe that the answers may lie within us or that we will stumble into a situation that will show us the answer, but that comes with time. I didn't like that exercise at all.

This week, I completed five out of seven Morning Pages. The days went by so fast for me, I didn't make the time to write everyday. It was also hard to get through this week because J.C. seemed like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I had a very hard time following her thought process and I felt sorry for the state of her mind. It was not fun reading how her process unfolds. She doesn't seem that stable to me in this chapter.

I was supposed to go on my artist date yesterday (Saturday) but I'm going today because there is an exhibit my husband has been dying to see: Discovering Tutankhamen. He's so obsessed with the Egyptian Pharaohs so I agreed to wait until today so we can go together. He will do his thing and I will do mine.

My walk was good. I tried to focus and look at things I normally wouldn't notice. I heard the birds singing, saw little buds starting to come in. It's amazing how beautiful the beginning of spring is. Hope you all have a great week 7!!

~~~~~
Saturday, 3/31:

I am in awe of my daughter.

She is an awesome artist.

These two beautiful works of art are all hers.

I am planning a really good Week 6 update, but it will have to wait until tonight.

I'm going on my artist date today and I couldn't write anything until that is complete.

I am too excited.

Week 5 Check in

(Angie's artwork)












I was able to complete Weeks 4 & 5 last week. If you don't remember, I was playing catch up because of Angie's birthday party. It was hard because I had three more birthdays last week and because each time I looked at my journal, I felt blank and empty.


(Artist Date: Atlantic City, NJ)












As much insight and inspiration as JC gives me, I still could not complete those three pages of longhand! I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm using a college lined notebook. If I could complete one page, I'd doodle on the next two just to feel as if I had accomplished something.

(Artist Date: Atlantic City, NJ)












For a long time I felt as if the morning pages were getting easier. Maybe I need to "just keep it simple" as Julia says on page 121. For the most part, I do. But even that can be chore-like. I trod on, writing a lot, doodling a little. I feel that JC and I think alike sometimes. In Week 5, she seems as if she's tettering on the edge of madness before she finds her calm. I feel a lot like her sometimes with my anxiety.

(Artist Date: Atlantic City, NJ)












I wake up each day, open my eyes, and say "thank you" for all that I have been blessed with. Once I stand up and get my morning ball rolling, the anxiety sets into the pit of my stomach. I don't know why or where it comes from, but it's there. I've tried deep breathing, meditation, and medication. The meds are really the only thing that have been helping. It's comforting in a way to know that I have this book to rely on. It gives me a sense of purpose each day. I write in my journal.. I walk.. I go on artist adventures.. All of these things have been helping me as much as they are helping her. A long time ago, I went through a short period of not being able to get out of my p.j.'s and get my hair washed (Divining Rod - pg. 129). I had to seek help for that, and I did. I also had to spring into action. I got onto a treadmill each day for a month. I bought some new clothes. I started feeling better - much better. It truly is small steps and routine that can bring one out of the depths of despair.

Divining Rod on page 131 talks about seeking joy and surrounding ourselves with people or things that make us happy. This is so true. Have you ever been with a person who is feeling down or negative - and you feel them sucking the life right out of you? Ugh, I hate that. I mean, I'm all for trying to cheer up a friend or being there for someone - but there are people I know (my mother being one) who is always so darn negative - all the time. There is no joy in these people's lives or they just fail to see it. I don't want to be around people like that, ever.

But they have choices, just like I do.

I really enjoyed Week 5.. I totally "got" JC and what she was trying to get across, even though I felt like screaming at her a few times. I did take my walk, actually I took two. I'm also planning to take one at sunrise or sunset one day this week. I'm over thinking about last weeks pages and looking forward to Week 6 with a renewed focus.

I made a couple of lists in my journal of things I am thankful for and things that I love. I might share them later on, closer to the end of this journey.

Week 4 check in

Week 4 is not completed on my end. March is a big birthday month at my house. I spent more time baking cakes than reading FW and journaling. So, what I'm going to do is finish up week 4 and combine it with week 5.. in order to stay on track with the group's time line. (I did do more reading without journaling, and I was able to take a long, long walk).

There's a Divining Rod on page 111 that asks that we "Set aside a half hour's time and take yourself to a spot that speaks to your spirit." I've been doing this every day for the past two months. A long time ago, somebody told me that if I sit or lay quietly and calm, I can meditate on a question or feeling by focusing my energy on that thought and touching each finger on both hands to my thumbs, repeating the words I need to repeat in my head. This is my calm oasis - this is what speaks to me, inspires me, and brings me peace.

The picture above is my first attempt at the shading technique using pencils. The book I've been using to help me along points out that shading with strokes is best for outdoor drawing. I wasn't outside, I just copied the illustration in the book.. I don't think it's bad for a first try, but with practice, I hope to get outside and create my own outdoor masterpiece.

Hoping you are all well and onto a great start with Week 5 ~ Uncovering a Sense of Autonomy.